Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
