I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
