margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
