and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
