Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
