It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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