I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
