When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
