Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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