You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
