i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
