You're my little dorito
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
