Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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