I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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