listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
