I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
