My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
