well you can't waste a boner
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think my moral compass just broke
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