He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
