id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
