one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i drank out of a bidet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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