im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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