I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
well you can't waste a boner
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
