I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
