Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
