k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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