If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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