Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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