I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
