WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
