and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
