I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
