I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
