living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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