i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
