I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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