??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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