Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Too much gin, very little bucket
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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