He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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