I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
