Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I deserve this hangover.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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