Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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