This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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