god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
