i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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