I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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