I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
