ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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