Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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