I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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