I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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