So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
