come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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