There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
