I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
